So, yeah. I'm here. Want to make something of it?

Or we could talk about food. Which is really what I'm all about.

While prowling around the house yesterday encouraging my young aspiring writer and his sister the illustrator, (More about that later, if I ever get to it. I like a Library program that makes Parker want to write!) I was putting away the inevitable clutter that seems to breed anytime I walk out of the room and carefully stepping around the sticky spots on my kitchen floor. (I don't mind dealing with the clutter...but grime...well, there are denial issues there that we won't talk about right now. Okay?)

I had this feeling that something was missing. Something big. Really big. I squinched up my eyes, pursed my lips and tried to wrap my little blonde brain around the situation. Ah...yes. Diversified snack foods. That was it. The kids and I had been happily munching yummy summer fruits all day, but we needed more. Something with dough.

Tapping finger on head and assuming a Pooh Bear stance I began to "think think think" "think think think."

Light bulb on. To the computer. Email to be exact. What was that copycat recipe book that Peggy sent me last week? A quick perusal and then...there it was. Yeah. An actual recipe for Fig Newtons. Fruit and cake. I like a newton. And. My children have never experienced a newton due to the not-safe-in-our-house ingredient list for the name brand newtons as well as the off-brands. (Yes, I have checked. I told you. I like a newton.)

Doubts arise. Can I actually make a Fig Newton? One that is fit to eat? I scan the recipe. It looks simple actually, except for making the fig goo in the middle, but I have that puppy under control. While picking blackberries last month at our favorite berry-picking-spot, we picked up a pint of their fig preserves. Since I am spoiled for life by my Nanny's homemade fig preserves made from the figs right from the tree in her back yard that were made from whole figs and were dark and think and syrupy and oh so delicious and...I have to stop. These particular bought preserves were probably just fine, but they did not reach the impossibly high standards that were expected and have languished in the refrigerator door, right next to the more popular maple syrup jar, ground flaxseed bag with the clothespin jauntily perched on top and the jar of apricot preserves.

Fig goo under control, I printed out the recipe and began. I'm thinking "this thing only has one little dough to make, how bad can it be?" I mixed up the "cake" part of the newton and stuck it in the fridge to chill out as directed, wedged between the watermelon half and a boiled egg in a tupperware left over from making tuna fish.

An hour (or so) later I dumped out half of the chilled batter/dough on to my nicely floured surface. Ack! I watched as the batter/dough sucked in all the available flour and stuck itself firmly to the counter. And I hadn't touched it yet. Great. I dumped a small mountain of flour on the counter and read the recipe again. Knead it. Yep. I was supposed to knead this flour sucking goo. Six times and then roll it out to 1/4 inch thickness. I briefly thought that rolling out a jar of Sunbutter sounded easier, but here we go. I attempted to knead, continuously unsticking it with a sharp metal scraper and shoveling more flour under the mass. I rolled it out and then stared at it with that I-am-going-to-end-up-scraping-this-all-in-the-trash-and-thinking-unkind-thoughts-about-the-person-who-made-this-sound-so-easy kind of look. Not attractive, but probably amusing for the sword wielding princess with her slip on as a pinafore that kept checking on me. (And was probably looking for a beater to lick.)

For now that it was rolled out, painful as that process was, I realized that I now had a newton cake layer permanently and completely adhered to my kitchen counter and there was no possible way to "pick it up and line the bottom of the dish." HA! I dare you to pick up my dough! Not a chance. I tried repeatedly and unsuccessfully to remove said dough from the counter...gave up and using the metal scraper, made it all into a mound again while thinking "tender dough? History. This stuff will be better named fig jerky or fig leather or why did I ever try to make a fig newton? I am not one of those little cookie making elves!"

I rolled out the uncooperative dough on a sheet of waxed paper with more flour and managed to get it into the pan. I spread the fig goo on top while muttering things about impossible recipes and what was the big deal about fruit and cake anyway? Overrated I tell you.

With the logarithmic learning curve behind me, rolled out the top dough layer and ceremoniously and clumsily laid it on top. Both sword wielding children came in to check my progress and I told them that "it was in the oven but of uncertain outcome." Unconcerned, they galloped away to duel and do other sorts of things that I don't know what they are but they must have been doing something other than dueling. I would guess. I wouldn't know. I was in the kitchen fighting flour sucking dough.

Now for the fairy tale ending. Yuuuuum! They actually worked and were quite delicious. Even Caroline liked them and she was quite suspicious of the "fig" content. That's my girl.

I guess this means I will be making them again.

Fig Newtons (Original version from Insider's Recipes - adaptations by yours truly)

1 pint jar fig preserves (If you really want to know how they say to make fig goo, ask and I will tell you. I think any type of preserves would be tasty in this recipe if you wanted to try something other than figs.)

1/2 c. butter or margarine at room temp. (I used it straight out of the refrigerator and it mixed fine.)
1 c. sugar (I used 1/2 c. agave nectar)
1 egg (I used one egg...grins)
1 T. cream or milk (or rice milk)
1/2 t. vanilla
1/2 t. salt (Important! Omit salt if using salted butter or margarine.)
1 t. baking powder
1 3/4 c. flour (I put 1/4 c. whole wheat flour in and they were still really light and tender...even with all that handling.)

Beat butter, sugar, egg, milk & vanilla until well blended. (I did it until they were fluffy.) Add dry ingredients. Mix well and refrigerate for one hour. (or so)

Take this part with a snicker and then do whatever works for you. These are the original directions:

Place 1/2 (of the dough) on well floured dough cloth; knead about 6 times. Roll out to 1/4" thick. Line 13 x 9" glass dish; (I used an 11 x 7 because I have exploded every 13 x 9 that I have ever owned. Don't ask.) cover with figs. Roll remaining dough, cover figs. Cook at 350 (325 for agave nectar and other sweeteners that burn easily) 30 minutes. (Same amount of time for 325)

Let cool and cut into squares. Check it out. You made Fig Newtons!

Posted by stephanie at July 9, 2008 07:34 AM